Sad Gossip

Saturday: I spent too much time buying fake (yes, fake) flowers for the flower boxes on the garden shed. No one gets close enough to see they aren't real, and who cares any way? It's not like we ever have company here this time of year. The clerk walked by, nodded at my pink bouquet and said that she should get some of those for her daughter's grave. The woman was no older than I am. I did find it interesting--the kindness and pity in the eyes of the people who walked past me while I picked out the flowers. How seeing someone choosing flowers seemed to remind them of something. They didn't smile or speak, but it was obvious that they were empathetic. Maybe it was because I was gathering pink ones and they thought of mothers, daughters, wives.

Thursday: In the post office I met a stranger who cried as she told how badly she just wants her husband to go dancing with her, or just to take her to a place where she can go dancing, or to let her go out with her friends. He doesn't want to go any where or do anything but sit on the sofa and watch the shows he wants to watch. He won't even agree to watch a show of her choosing with her. It was sad to see how miserable this man makes this woman. She is very attractive; most of my male friends would be flattered, very flattered if such a woman wanted their company. I asked her if she thought she could tell him that she wasn't happy. If he loves you, he will want you to be happy, right? She smiled then, and said she would ask him. I have thought of her every day since then and wondered about their conversation.

Sunday: I spoke with a very dear friend whose childhood friend became a widow just a couple of weeks ago. In the course of telling me how much time she had been spending with her friend and about the things they had been doing (like requesting the death certificate, changing account names, shopping, etc) she told me about something this new widow said and did. In the middle of shopping, the widow threw up her hands, took a deep breath, and announced, "My God, I feel like I have just got out of prison, serving a life sentence! I have never felt so free. I'm glad he's gone."

I thought about my son and my sweet indulgent husband who has never needed Valentine's Day or my birthday or our anniversary to remind him to show me how much he loves me, and I wondered, "Would I get the same kind looks from strangers if I were shopping for blue flowers? Or would widows smile at my good fortune and wives cast jealous darts?" I hope I never have to look for blue flowers. I am in no prison.